Script sample

Script Sample, taken from Pages 1-3 of ‘Murder at Blockworthy Hall’

(Enter Lady Ernestia Blockworthy stage right, singing in operatic style, brandishing a walking stick and holding a hearing trumpet to her ear.)

Lady Isabel
Ah, there you are, Mother dear. Did you enjoy your walk? The grounds are looking particularly splendid at the moment. It’s a shame we’ve seen the last of the geraniums and hydrangeas, don’t you think?

Lady Ernestia
What? Strangers? In the grounds? Didn’t see ‘em on my walk. You’d better ask Trudge to deal with them. You can’t be too careful these days you know. There’s a lot of it about!

Lord Blockworthy
No, Mother: hydrangeas.  Isabel was talking about the hydrangeas. They’re very beautiful during the Summer months, particularly the blue ones.

Lady Ernestia
Stupid boy! I don’t need to! I’ve only just been. I may be 80 today, and a trifle hard of hearing, but I’m not on the Continent yet. (Sits down)

Lady Isabel
Of course you aren’t, Mother. Now then, Genevieve and George will be staying for dinner tonight, to celebrate your birthday. Then the rest of your friends have been invited for your big party tomorrow. It’ll be so exciting, I can’t wait. Genevieve and George have just popped into the village to pick up dear Celestia from the station, but they’ll be back at any minute. I feel so fortunate that they’re able to visit every weekend.

Lord Blockworthy (Aside, from behind his newspaper)
Hmm. Pity they live so damned close. Every other weekend would be preferable. Or once a month, better still.

Lady Isabel
Really Makepeace. Don’t be such a grouch. You’re lucky to have the family living so close. Now then, Mother, Lily’s preparing your favourite for dinner: roast pheasant in red wine followed by my own, special pudding of tapioca with apricot jam.

Lady Ernestia
Oh good, I like a good game of Poker. Miles Hoover, you know, he likes a good game of Poker as well. Is he invited too?

Lord Blockworthy
Mother you’re incorrigible. (To Isabel) I’d give up if I were you, old thing. Talking at cross purposes is as far as you’ll get today. (He continues reading the newspaper)

Lady Isabel
I asked Lily to put out your pink gown for dinner tonight, Mother. You know, the one with the embroidered flowers and matching shawl. You look so lovely in that. Why, even that unobservant son-in-law of mine, with the matching inflated ego, commented on how wonderfully well the pink goes with your complexion.

Lady Ernestia
Is he well-hung?

Lady Isabel
Is who well hung, dear? I’m assuming you mean the pink dress rather than George?

Lady Ernestia
The pheasant! Is he well-hung?

Lady Isabel (Laughing in an embarrassed manner)
Oh…..Yes, of course! The pheasant! How could I possibly have thought otherwise. Yes, he’s very well-hung, Mother. Trudge shot him 3 weeks ago and he’s been in the cellar ever since.

Lord Blockworthy
Three weeks! I’m surprised the wretched bird hasn’t decided to get up and fly away of its own accord. Must be high as a kite by now. Really, Isabel, should Mother be eating over-hung pheasant at her age?

Lady Isabel
Honestly, Makepeace, your know very well that your mother has the constitution of an ox.

Lady Ernestia
Why is everyone so concerned with my bladder? I’ve already told you that I’m a very long way from becoming unconstitutional. Now I’ll have a small sherry if you don’t mind. None of this afternoon tea nonsense. I need something stronger now that I’m 80. (Lady Isabel pours her a sherry & hands it to her. As she does so, Reginald Trudge enters back, stage left – tradesman’s entrance)

Lady Isabel (Handing Lady Ernestia a glass of sherry)
There you are, Mother. Bottoms up! Oh, hello, Trudge. What brings you here at this time?  Dinner will be served at 8 O’clock sharp, which makes you more than a little early. We were just enjoying some afternoon tea.

Reginald Trudge
So I see, milady. I thought I’d just use the tradesman’s entrance rather than disturb you all by ringing the front doorbell, this being an himportant day an’ all. I wondered if I could ‘ave a word, ma’am…….in private, like?

Lady Isabel
Well, of course, but now is not the best time, Trudge. Can’t it wait till the morning?

Reginald Trudge
No, ma’am. It can’t. It concerns the small matter of something I witnessed when patrolling the grounds last night………………at around 1 a.m. to be precise. Would you ‘appen to ‘ave seen anything at that time yourself?

Lady Isabel (Nervously and defensively)
I’m not sure I follow you, Trudge. You’d better come this way. His Lordship has enough on his plate already. I wouldn’t want to add to his considerable worries. (She takes Trudge to centre back & they converse furtively)

(Enter Lily Hoover, stage right. She sees Lady Isabel is busy, so approaches Lord Makepeace)

Lily Hoover
Excuse me, your Lordship but will you be wantin’ the best china and Waterford Crystal or just the ordinary tableware for tonight?

Lord Blockworthy
Well, how should I know, Lily? You need to ask her ladyship questions like that.

Lily Hoover
Beggin’, your pardon, milord, but her ladyship is busy with that awful man…..I mean with Mr. Trudge, sir,….and, well…… I didn’t want to disturb her as she seems so deep in conversation, so I thought I’d ask you.

Lord Blockworthy
Well, it’s only dinner. Use the everyday equipment. My mother’s hardly likely to notice the difference.