Script sample

Script Sample taken from Pages 3-5 of ‘Murder in Ancient Rome’.

Humorus  (Calling the gladiators together, centre front stage) 
Right, lads, tomorrow will be a fair fight. The last man standing will be the victor. There are no other rules. The Games will begin tomorrow at sunset. Be ready for the Opening Parade tonight at 6 O’clock.

(The two Gladiators eye each other up and circle each other with menace to sinister Music, e.g. ‘Jaws’ theme. Enter suddenly and frantically the Centurion, Lucidus Gluteus Maximus, stage left)

Lucidus
In the name of Jupiter, King of the Gods, I command that the ceremony is halted immediately.

Humorus
What’s the meaning of this? How dare you interrupt proceedings like this, Centurion! I shall see to it that you are severely reprimanded by your commanding officer.

Lucidus
Not now Humorus. Now is not the time for your admonishments. There is a far more pressing matter that must be dealt with before the Games begin tomorrow – a matter of life and death.

Preposterus (coming to the front of the stage)
You’re not from around here, are you? Anyway, you’d better have a good explanation for this, soldier. The Games stop for no man.

Lucidus
Sir. I beg your pardon for this intrusion, but I have reason to believe that you and your family are in grave danger. As we speak, there are those engaged in plotting to end your reign as Emperor of Rome – those who would stop at nothing to deny Bilius, your son and heir, the right to succeed you as Emperor. (All look incredulously at Bilius)

Humorus
Oh, come, come now, Gluteus old chap. This kind of thing must happen every day of the week. It goes with the territory. Everybody likes to have a good old moan about the Emperor.

Preposterus
It’s one thing having a moan, Humorus, but trying to bump me off is another thing entirely! My boy, Bilius, will be Emperor one day, and I shall do everything in my power to ensure that he succeeds me. Come, Lucidus, tell us what you know of this treason.

Vesuvius (barging his way to the front of the stage)
Now just you wait a minute. This tournament is also a matter of life and death – mine, in fact! What about my duel? You can’t cut me off in my prime. Tomorrow I shall be victorious and retain the coveted title of Undisputed Champion of the Roman Empire.

Marvellus
You overestimate your talents, my fiery friend, and you underestimate mine. You may just have been granted a lucky escape with your reputation intact.

Vesuvius
What’s that supposed to mean? If you value your life, you’d better tell me what you’re incinerating!

Marvellus
If anyone is doing the ‘incinerating’ around here, it’s you my volcanic friend. You’re over-heating and I strongly suggest you go and cool down. If you’re asking what I am ‘insinuating’, I’m afraid I leave all that to Innuendo. But maybe, just maybe, you put Lucidus Gluteus Maximus up to this. Maybe you set this whole scenario up to avoid defeat at my hands at tomorrow’s Games.

Vesuvius (menacingly)
Don’t flatter yourself, matey. Maybe this reputation you’ve built for yourself as a giant-killer was just too much to live up to. You could just as easily have concocted a cock ‘n bull story yourself about a plot to kill Preposterus, as a tactic to avoid fighting me – the great Vesuvius, champion of champions.

Marvellus (fronting up to him)
I wouldn’t stoop that low.

Humorus  (Intervening)
That’s enough, you two. Go back to your quarters and await further instruction. The Games will go ahead as planned once we can be sure that the Emperor is safe and that those who would plot against him are held to account. (Exeunt Vesuvius and Marvellus, grumpily, back through the audience – to the left)

Preposterus
Innuendo, take the Empress and her slaves back to the Palace. See to their safety. Ask the soldiers to lock every gate and post guards at each exit.

Innuendo
Yes, sire. Your wish is my command. (Moves front left)

Presposterus
Come Lucidus tell us more. (Preposterus , Lucidus and Humorus talk amongst themselves, centre back, while Innuendo talks to the audience)

Innuendo  (To audience) 
He’s so masterful when he’s angry. I think he means business so I’ll just have to bite the bullet and go……but I’ll miss all the gossip, then my fate will really be sealed. I can almost hear those lions licking their lips. Unless……… unless I could find some poor unsuspecting soul to take my place. Now then, let me see…..ah yes, I’ve spotted the very person. Ad lib….. (Innuendo looks around amongst the audience and finds a suitable ‘stooge’  to whom he delegates the task of taking the Empress and slaves back to the Palace. He then takes their seat in the audience – all speech is ‘ad lib’) (Exeunt Hermesita, Loquatia, Avaricia and Felicia, with the stooge, stage left)

Innuendo  (From his seat in the audience)
Now that’s what I call a seat with a view. Lovely. Don’t mind if I partake of a little wine…   hmm Pompei 98 …a very good year! Etc.

 (Preposterus, Lucidus and Humorus turn from their conversation and stand front centre stage) 

Presposterus
Now then, Lucidus Gluteus Maximus, what happened next?

Lucidus
Well, I had just accompanied the armies of the North and West on a mission to secure Moorish lands in Hispania in order to develop further trade routes to the South and the East by sea and by land. Whilst returning on the road to Rome, we made camp in a small village called Melodia Minor, an enchanting place filled with music and musicians of the highest quality, and…………(muses) ……..and the………… people were more hospitable than any others across our noble land. (Gathering himself) Whilst I, myself, and two other scouts, were engaged in a reconnaissance sortie to gauge the lie of the land ahead, we stumbled across a gang of traitors masquerading as infantrymen.

Preposterus
Yes, yes, man, but what has this to do with threats upon my life? And how do you know they were imposters? I am led to believe that some of our most beautiful women inhabit the village of Melodia Minor, tempting strangers for many a mile. I, myself, intend to pay them a visit…….to discuss votes for women, of course……………..